Mexican Cuisine

I was out on St. Paddy’s Day with a group of people on a pub crawl (shocking, I know). One of them had an intriguing and insightful comment about guys. “Men are like Mexican restaurants,” she said, “You can never find one that has everything.” I asked her to elaborate. “Well, you can find one that has great guacamole or margaritas or salsa and chips but you can never find one that has everything. You have to settle.”

Her observation was very astute. Of course, the same can be said of women–women are like Mexican restaurants; you’ll never find one that has everything. Actually, the observation can be applied to everything–bosses, friends, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers… “Friends are like Mexican restaurants; you’ll never find one that has everything.”

When it comes to dating, many of us seek the Mexican restaurant that has everything while many others sigh and settle in their search for love. The latter is disheartening while the former is frustrating; hence, people tend to find dating tedious and purport to “hate dating.” At one time or another we’ve all expressed misery when it comes to dating. Still some couples find bliss and a life of love and happiness with each other. How do they do it? They don’t look for a Mexican restaurant with everything nor do they settle. Huh? Wait a minute; aren’t those the only two options?

Dating isn’t about finding the perfect person who has it all. Have you ever eaten at a spectacular restaurant that appears to have everything? What happens? You start to notice all the little flaws–the salt shaker isn’t full; there’s dust under the table; the hostess’ nose piercing bothers you; you have to wait a long time to get a table, even though you have reservations; parking sucks; they put too much ice in your water. It’s the same with dating–the closer someone is to perfection, the more the little things get under your skin and drive you away. (Fortunately for me, my glaring personality flaws keep women from noticing all my annoying little flaws…)

Dating isn’t about settling, either. You don’t have to put up with crappy service or food at a Mexican restaurant just so you can get a good mojito. And you don’t have to put up with crap in dating, either.

The people who enjoy dating and eventually find the right restaurant are the ones who realize the key to being happy with a Mexican restaurant is to explore them until you find the one that shows you what you really want in Mexican dining. When you find the right restaurant, suddenly all the things you thought were important become unimportant and the few things that really are important to you rise to the top of your priority list. These things are often traits you never even realized were important to you; rather, the restaurant showed you they are important.

My favorite Mexican restaurant is Cesar’s. It’s only a few blocks from me. I can always get a table. The service rocks–they often give my table free tequila shots and angel hair pasta soup. The food is pretty good, although it is pretty bland for Mexican cuisine. The guacamole isn’t that good, especially because it is too thin. The salsa and chips are okay. But the queso fundidos rock and one of their margaritas is enough to relieve all your stress. I’ve been to probably every Mexican restaurant in Chicago and no one has a margarita that comes even close to being as strong as Cesar’s margaritas. 

Until I ate at Cesar’s, I hadn’t realized queso fundidos and margaritas were the most important traits to me in a Mexican restaurant. Other venues have excellent guacamole and much better food. I could care less. They don’t have what I want. That is the point of dating and when you realize that, dating becomes fun again. It’s about getting to know people and giving them a chance to show you what it is that you really want in your partner, soul-mate, lover, or whatever term you use. When you go in expecting to settle or looking for the traits that make the person imperfect, you close yourself off. And when you close yourself off, your date can’t help you learn what it is that’s really important to you in a relationship.

Yes, we are all like Mexican restaurants. And we should all be damn happy about that!  

I was honored to be the guest yesterday on Jesse Lee Peterson’s popular radio show for the last hour–the Man Hour, of course! We discussed differences in women and men when it comes to dating, love, and marriage, as well as a little about me. Good stuff. Check it out here by clicking on the 3/31/10 show.

I heard something very astute the other day–the opposite of love isn’t hate; it’s fear. Think about this; it is very true. When you avoid someone because you don’t want to like them and are afraid it could go somewhere and you don’t want to risk getting hurt again or just shut down and don’t put yourself out there at all. You are giving in to fear, the opposite of love. Don’t do this because then you are doing something really bad… you aren’t living; you’re just taking up space. You can’t be afraid to be hurt and there aren’t guarantees. At the least, you’ll always have great memories; at the most, you’ll have a great, life-long relationship.