Choice - The Meaning of Life

Shout Out to a Fan

Ian Coburn — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 02:21:17 +0000

A common question I get from people is “Why?” Why do I write books and a blog that offer advice? Do I hope to get rich? Be famous? Ah, nope. I had a chance to shoot pilots back when I did standup and decided not to; pilots are the way to being both rich and famous. The ideas of not being able to go out in public without being recognized or not knowing whether people liked you for you or your money, were both very unsettling. I realized I didn’t need a lot of money; just enough to live the comfortable lifestyle I wanted, and I didn’t want to be a household name; I far preferred anonymity.

I don’t suspect people really want to know why I write; rather, when they ask ”why,” they are asking me, ”What’s in it for you?” I write to help others achieve their goals or to entertain them; to share what I can that will help. What’s in it for me? I can’t describe it. When I was a comedian, I couldn’t describe what it was to be onstage, making sold out audiences explode with laughter. And, even though killing a room was great, the smaller examples were more rewarding–the coed upfront whose beer came out of her nose she was laughing so hard or the woman who peed herself because she laughed so hard or even the guy who came back the next night to tell me I got him laid after the show because I put his date in such a great mood. (I got a lot of guys laid as a comedian–A LOT.)

Recently, a guy named Dan emailed me. He liked my book Choiceand appreciated my effort so much, that he took the time to write down typos he found and to summarize the book in an extended outline on WikiAnswers. What’s in it for me? This is what’s in it for me–when someone does something because of my work for me when there is nothing in it for them. Neither fame nor money can buy that because it’s sincere and fame and money can’t buy sincerity.

Here’s an excerpt from the email Dan sent me:

Hi Ian,I’ve greatly enjoyed your book – it’s been a fast and insightful read. I’m a software developer coming from Europe, so some examples pertaining to American football were somewhat alien to me, but the book nevertheless got its message across.

As a way of saying thanks, I thought I’d share a few typos that I found:

To Dan and all the Dan’s out there (there have been many–readers who put up reviews of God on Amazon, people who email me to thank me for helping them out and to share the story of how, and so forth), thank you for your sincerity and for taking the time. You are the ones who keep me going and make it all worthwhile.

Interview for “The Power of Care”

Ian Coburn — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 14:10:49 +0000

Here is an interview I did recently for Nadine Owens Burton at The Power of Care. Good stuff! Check it out and check out her other shows, as well.

Your Perfect Date?

Ian Coburn — Mon, 31 May 2010 17:54:11 +0000

This question came up the other night at a bbq party. It was pretty interesting; there were a lot of complicated answers and dissecting of both dating and the question. People didn’t really seem to know what made the perfect date for them. Perhaps that is insight into why relationships and dating can become so unnecessarily complicated. I thought about the question and realized very quickly the answer, at least for me. The perfect date? When you don’t want it to end. (When I say that, I mean when neither of you wants it to end.) Remember, date simple. Think simple. Don’t make things so complicated. Dating is not a math problem; it’s simply getting to know someone else while determining if they are worth getting to know even better and sharing more of yourself with. It’s that simple. Enjoy!

Revising “Super Flaws”

Ian Coburn — Sun, 02 May 2010 20:10:27 +0000

A children’s first novel

I have been busy lately revising Super Flaws, my book for children. With any luck, it will be the first of three in the series. You can check out the initial site for the book at www.superflaws.com. Originally, I planned to have this book released after Choice – The Meaning of Life but unanticipated early interest from the media–including two radio shows–has caused me to move it to the front burner. Check out the art. The artist is awesome, isn’t she? I’ll keep you updated on progress here, of course. There’s an excerpted chapter on the book’s site. I am grateful for your feedback and that of any kids in your life!

Another Interview…

Ian Coburn — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 13:53:30 +0000

Here is another interview I did that came out yesterday. Good stuff! Check it out here.

Guest Post Up

Ian Coburn — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 22:00:31 +0000

My guest post is up sooner than I thought. Read how morons get promoted via poor tools of measurement on the popular Life Optimizer.

Radio Interview and Upcoming Guest Post for Big Blog…

Ian Coburn — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 11:55:35 +0000

So you might have noticed I haven’t put up many videos lately discussing the COR-system or aspects thereof. Don’t worry; such entries will be back soon. I’ve been pretty busy being interviewed, writing guest posts, and so forth. Speaking of…

Coming up sometime next week, I have a guest post I wrote coming up for a popular blog entitled Life Optimizer, written by Donald Latumahina. This is a great blog with lots of good advice and I was honored to write for it. Stay tuned for the exact date…

If you missed my panel interview on Bonnie Graham’s radio show out of New York, you can catch it here. It aired live from 7-8:30pm EST and was quite insightful and entertaining, including myself, Leslie Pajama Mama, Dr. Karen Gail Lewis, Craig Lawrey, and of course the hostess.

Radio Show Tonight

Ian Coburn — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 03:51:10 +0000

I will be one of several guests on this radio show tonight, which starts 7pm EST. Check it out!

I Sound off on Marijuana

Ian Coburn — Sun, 18 Apr 2010 21:57:36 +0000

Marijuana

I just did an interview for a popular and well-written blog entitled Wag the Gonzo written by “Killer Bud,” who I like to refer to as “Killer.” What’s the topic? Marijuana, of course. I sound of on legalizing marijuana, why I’m against weed but illustrate clearly why the COR-system is for it. Interesting, insightful stuff. Read it here!

“Men are Like Mexican Restaurants”

Ian Coburn — Fri, 09 Apr 2010 13:01:19 +0000

Mexican Cuisine

I was out on St. Paddy’s Day with a group of people on a pub crawl (shocking, I know). One of them had an intriguing and insightful comment about guys. “Men are like Mexican restaurants,” she said, “You can never find one that has everything.” I asked her to elaborate. “Well, you can find one that has great guacamole or margaritas or salsa and chips but you can never find one that has everything. You have to settle.”

Her observation was very astute. Of course, the same can be said of women–women are like Mexican restaurants; you’ll never find one that has everything. Actually, the observation can be applied to everything–bosses, friends, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers… “Friends are like Mexican restaurants; you’ll never find one that has everything.”

When it comes to dating, many of us seek the Mexican restaurant that has everything while many others sigh and settle in their search for love. The latter is disheartening while the former is frustrating; hence, people tend to find dating tedious and purport to “hate dating.” At one time or another we’ve all expressed misery when it comes to dating. Still some couples find bliss and a life of love and happiness with each other. How do they do it? They don’t look for a Mexican restaurant with everything nor do they settle. Huh? Wait a minute; aren’t those the only two options?

Dating isn’t about finding the perfect person who has it all. Have you ever eaten at a spectacular restaurant that appears to have everything? What happens? You start to notice all the little flaws–the salt shaker isn’t full; there’s dust under the table; the hostess’ nose piercing bothers you; you have to wait a long time to get a table, even though you have reservations; parking sucks; they put too much ice in your water. It’s the same with dating–the closer someone is to perfection, the more the little things get under your skin and drive you away. (Fortunately for me, my glaring personality flaws keep women from noticing all my annoying little flaws…)

Dating isn’t about settling, either. You don’t have to put up with crappy service or food at a Mexican restaurant just so you can get a good mojito. And you don’t have to put up with crap in dating, either.

The people who enjoy dating and eventually find the right restaurant are the ones who realize the key to being happy with a Mexican restaurant is to explore them until you find the one that shows you what you really want in Mexican dining. When you find the right restaurant, suddenly all the things you thought were important become unimportant and the few things that really are important to you rise to the top of your priority list. These things are often traits you never even realized were important to you; rather, the restaurant showed you they are important.

My favorite Mexican restaurant is Cesar’s. It’s only a few blocks from me. I can always get a table. The service rocks–they often give my table free tequila shots and angel hair pasta soup. The food is pretty good, although it is pretty bland for Mexican cuisine. The guacamole isn’t that good, especially because it is too thin. The salsa and chips are okay. But the queso fundidos rock and one of their margaritas is enough to relieve all your stress. I’ve been to probably every Mexican restaurant in Chicago and no one has a margarita that comes even close to being as strong as Cesar’s margaritas.

Until I ate at Cesar’s, I hadn’t realized queso fundidos and margaritas were the most important traits to me in a Mexican restaurant. Other venues have excellent guacamole and much better food. I could care less. They don’t have what I want. That is the point of dating and when you realize that, dating becomes fun again. It’s about getting to know people and giving them a chance to show you what it is that you really want in your partner, soul-mate, lover, or whatever term you use. When you go in expecting to settle or looking for the traits that make the person imperfect, you close yourself off. And when you close yourself off, your date can’t help you learn what it is that’s really important to you in a relationship.